Dear Mrs. White...

Aside from losing my cell phone and keys this weekend it was one of those family reunion type gigs—one of those annual picnics in the Dan Ryan Woods that if it were not my obligation to attend I would not have gone. I invited my RomiE as a means for him to understand the logistics of my family; to show him why, when I refer to them or don’t refer to them enough, why I don’t. I invited Aaron because Aaron Garrett Popcorn enjoyed accompanying me last year when I had forced him to tag along and be my guide. You wouldn’t have liked it, Walter, I didn’t like it. The food was parched and the Doritos were stale. I sat at your tent and gobbled up your goodies because you offered up your love through well slaughtered and bar-b-qued meats, and we, fat bitches, MUST eat. To accept your invitation and engage one polish to the next was my way of accepting and showing you that I indeed love you back. You would have come to my family picnic and wretched at how many Marlboro’s got smoked, at how many children there were, and at how all those children had the same loud-mouthed mother. You weren’t invited because in NO way, form or fashion was the Williams and Hale’s Family Picnic of Walter Kimora Lee White prestige. I didn’t invite you because I love you.

Be it may. We have some unfinished business to tend to. I and my RomiE owe you dinner, do we not? Good dinner. Last I saw you, you were two oriental whiskers shy of being whisper thin and I’m thinking I want a bounty worth of food. I’m craving to see you eat. And what I’m thinking, tell me if you object, is that I would like for us to go to Koi’s, in Evanston, for sushi. To do this I’m also thinking we need to know your schedule; when is the GREAT Walter White available for cocktails and croissants? I presume it would have to be a weekend, I work evenings during the week, and it can’t be the weekend after next, RomiE and I will be outta town. But this weekend is fine for me and the weekend after next would be perfect—but what feels right for you? Talk to me, Walter, let’s get this here in rotation before we start collecting social security.

Ken

P.S

How was the weekend? I believe you had a birthday. Congrats!