My goal for today was to wake early this morning, make it downtown, go to the Gap, run over to Bally’s and visit my RomiE at work…but it’s so dreary outside—it’s still raining. What a drab!
It stormed pretty damn good last night. I got drenched walking from the bus stop to my doorstep. No fun.
D-man’s been acting cynical lately. McLyte is coming to town this weekend and so his little antennas are pointed an erect. He’s cautioned everyone NOT to include him in any plans for Saturday because his Babe (McLyte) is coming to town. VomiT!!!
—Capt’n, I did wanna mention that I didn’t want you going to Jamba Juice without me. Because there are lot of serious decisions that MUST be made in order to create the perfect smoothie, a lot of mistakes can happen. Not that you would make mistakes, your intelligence has been breathtaking, but there does exist a science to Jamba Juice that most are unaware of. JuiceoLogy.
First, deflowerment cannot happen at all Jamba Juices, such atrocities can lead to travesties and first impressions are hard to recant. I’d hate for you to be displeased. The shops at 20 North Michigan, The Hancock Center, or the 190 west Madison Shop are always pleasant enough to stroll into. NEVER, if you can help it, dine at the Jamba Juice in the Citicorp Metra Station. Talk about HOLE in the WALL.
Second, some smoothies aren’t fit for First Timers. Please VOID all drinks under Menu Category, All Fruit Smoothies. You’re NOT ready yet [Sidebar: The WORLD wasn’t ready yet]. Stick with their Functional Flavors; their Orange Dream Machine, their Mighty Cherry Charger, or their Acai Supercharger (which is one of my favorites). Jamba Classics are also very friendly for your first time; their Mango-A-Go-Go is a good one—RomiE often orders that— their Caribbean Passion is rather mellow, or if you’re looking to play it extremely safe, one normally can’t go wrong ordering a Strawberries Wild. In fact if it wasn’t so telling as a beginner’s Drink, I’d insist. But then you’d be recognized as a virgin…and castrated. I didn't want that on my conscious.
And since, it being one of my favorite places on the planet, I’ve grown accustomed to treating all of my referred-Jamba-cliental-prospects. Nurturing their first visit is what tenderizes m'soul. Check the résumé. I've deflowered:
- Aaron
- my Tannis
- Gakaa, the Lesbian
- Willy
- Wally
- Dontae
- Christina
- and WomiE
Secretly I’m Oprah. But someone has to oversee this event and engage you in a toast. So why can't it be me, Capt'n??? Bottoms Up!!
Cheers!!!
P.S. Sweet Pea Keith was approved for the apartment today. He signs the Lease tomorrow. Congrats!
5 comments:
I was here....
Your post states..
"D-man’s been acting cynical lately. McLyte is coming to town this weekend and so his little antennas are pointed an erect. He’s cautioned everyone NOT to include him in any plans for Saturday because his Babe (McLyte) is coming to town. VomiT!!!"
Vomit all you want. BUT IF IT WERE NOT for Lyte.. u would NOT have the name SunLyte! Just be happy I wasnt in luv with Black Eye Peas or some shit like that.
Well don't get scared Capt'n. Have no Fear, William K. Roberts is here.
Set us up a Date and we shall tackle this together.
I feel like i am in the greatest sitcom ever written and put before my eyes in blasts of color! You should really write a book, or release memoirs one day. Just an admirer (God i hope I spelled that right. It sure doesn't look right, right now lol), stoppin by for reasons unbeknownst to even myself, but having an epiphany in the process of why I am actually here reading about your day to day. I wish you all the best in life, cause you're definitely all that you've been said to be. One could only wonder.....
Anonymous--thank you...
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