FuCK the new year! There isn’t a God-DanG-ThanG new about the year—its just another difficult day on a different calendar. Jerome left me by my lonesome this weekend and I feel so scatter-brained. No one's been able to entertain me, either they’re unavailable or inadequate and maybe I just can’t get over the dramatics of being abandoned the ENTIRE New Years Weekend but its like having an upset stomach—a nausea seeping dark into my tummy thinking about how alone I feel this new years. VomiT!!!! I’m so disappointed in today.
I think this has been the second most shittiest consecutive New Years I’ve had in all my 23+ years of breathing. Last year I upset my family by not coming home and this year I ruined I and my husbands relationship and so he flees the country for the ENTIRE weekend. I’m actually sitting in his apartment right now supposedly getting dressed, supposedly packing my trinkets—I’m suppose to be out of Jerome’s place before he returns tomorrow night, but I haven’t been focused enough to box my shit. I. Am. Mad! Like a growling dog, I am so mad.
I wanted to have sex last night. And as I was looking at the list of prospects I found it easier to stroke my own troubles away, towel dry the remains, and rinse away the residue… and still I’m mad. I didn’t get in the house until about 4 this morning, I had a couple of drinks at a bar with this guy who I met randomly on the street. Of course he thought I was gorgeous—of course he just really wanted to get in my pants. But I appeased him for a few cocktails, sat at the bar to bat my eyes and guzzle free glass after free glass of something frilly and sweet. And I looked at him, this guy, this practically random guy, and I listened to him “marveling” at me and felt him perusing my midsection with his thick palms pressed against me, excusing himself because, as he said, the bar was so crowded, he was being forced against me.
You don’t mind?—he whispered, lips in my ear.
Of course not, I said, shaking my head, ridding my ear of his lips.
Why should I mind? You have no other choice but to run your scaly pudgy black fingers across my FlaT, WashBoard, Usher-brand abs because the bar is too crowded. Why wouldn't I understand SUCH logic!?!? Balderdash!! I should’ve puked all over him and danced the Irish Tango on his forehead stabbing the points of my shoes into his eye! Bullshitter!!
But I kept on sipping free drink after free drink. I had already made it in my mind that it wouldn’t go any further than him offering me drinks and I accepting them with a smile.Though secretly I actually became fond of sitting at the bar being offered up the sauce and fawned over like an Asian dish garnished with Geisha. I’d make a perfect blonde woman; legs crossed at the barstool, no panties, red lipstick, stilettos and a smoke. But I’m still mad.
My father went partying tonight, its actually my parents 26th anniversary and this year they decided not to do anything special. So he hit the streets. This morning, I spent the rest of my morning, after the bar, asleep at my parents in the basement. We, my parents, sisters and Kiwi, my niece, toasted to the occasion. I was already half drunk and drowsy from having just gone to sleep maybe two hours prior, but we all raised our little glasses, Kiwi with her sparkling white grape juice and the rest of us with wine, and cheered for 26 years well done. Kudos, Mom and Dad!
Aaron and I are suppose to be moving in together come this February. We found a place in Pilsen. Kimora suggested it to us, and the place is beautiful, and I am excited but I do have reservations now…. Not about moving in with Aaron but about the apartment. Utilities aren’t included and what I hear/what I fear is that gas is gonna bite us right in the ass. I hear gas could be and extra 300 bucks a month and in the art of trying to rationalize everything and trying to put everything in some sort of financial perspective, because I really do like the place but, I have to worry about the other necessities...i.e. furniture, DSL, American Express, the love card, and the all around economics of being able to maintain the place. I don’t wanna just live in a shell. This move is to help cure both of our issues with completing school . We thought that maybe if we were in the presence of someone with the same mindset; homework, finals, and studying—we could get shit done. But I'm begining to think I’mma need some rent assistance. I'm begining to think I need a second job…
FUCK the New Year!!!...I'm still mad!!
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6 comments:
I'm in the midst of getting ready for a New Years Celebration at a friend of mines house. Its a straight boy party, i shouldn't have been invited, but, alas, i might be going....
Oh don't feel that way...I am home alone, nothing to do.
maybe we should have called each other Captain...we could've humored ourselves into the "New Year" together.
As long you have no camera near you...I am NOT photogenic. LOL
O, Captain, my camera should be the least of your worries, because with or without my camera, i'm forever equipped with my snap-shooting cell phone. But i promise not to take advantage of our Jamba session/or Lunch.
I wish you would have called me and my boys....you know we always go out. And we love it when you are with us.
As for the move, baby...it will be fine as long as you both make some changes. I told you this step will change who you are and how you see everything, and it will. This is one of those changes. And gas shouldn;t be THAT high. Come and talk to me.
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