BlesSed

I’m infected! Virally! I’m virally infected! FUCK!! This totally ruins my self-image for the future. I had to go to “the” clinic today, one of those backwoodsy ordeals. The kind of place where the entrance is through the alley under a sign scribbled "Here" and you have to find the makeshift brick that opens the makeshift door. You could definitely tell who hadn’t been there before—the pink little girls with insecure faces, the kind, who at first glance, regretted ever losing their virginity to that guy who had knowingly fucked them full of aids. The kind that are too scared to set their purses on their laps afraid some trickster, laden with lice, might make off with it... leaving a trail of famine.

I got there pretty early this morning. I had DaRRyL wake me up around 6, which worked out perfect cuz he naturally rises at 5. I didn’t roll outta bed until half an hour later, hopped on the bus and rode my way uptown. I was at the clinic before it even opened searching for the “makeshift brick” when, at the stroke of 8, I was escorted by an officer into the building. I think they have their own police. Of course it took the doctors forever to see me, but I’m a beggar so I can’t choose (beggars can’t be choosers), no insurance?—no questions, no qualms! I sat, feet together, very patient, favorably hoping for the best. Eyes all virginistic…waiting my turn. And I guess outta everything possible to catch, what I have is pretty okay. I’m pretty okay. I feel okay…sorta. DaRRyL asked me, later when I got home and signed on messenger, how did I feel (or something to that nature) and I said, As best as one could feel with this condition, and so DaRRyL asked, Blessed?… And I guess…Yes. I feel very blessed. This won’t be the end of the world. Thank you Jehovah.

Since I was on a roll today I opted for an HIV test too. Get it all outta the way! Know my status and all that jazZ! Maybe I should wait to rejoice until after I get back those results. It’ll just be my luck I not only have this but I’m positive too. Lets pray not. Everybody join hands. I’m taking classes off the rest of this week. I think I need time to reflect. A part of me feels ruined like I can never have sex again—I owe it too the world to never have sex again **ken sighs*** I need to get a hold of myself.

Ciao!