Hey, hon! Lets's talk Carpet: shag green Pudenda...

I start a new job today and my nerves are busting through the roof. I’m nervous! NeedlesS to say my only motivation is paying the bills. Were there not bills needing to be polished off & slicked down with a little…how do you say?—cheddar! I would NOT be going.

My little sister turned 20 today! All hail to time ticking away. She’s a dusty old maid now. Better get her a rocking chair and cat! Which, by the way, is the purrrfect segue into this intimate case study of mine: The problem with lesbians…too much cat (and I say this with the utmost love for my same-gender-loving female breed. As queer as I am, gurLs in gLasS houses shan’t throw stones. I can’t afford to poke fun)! My best gal pal, Erica, who you’ll often hear me refer to as either Gakaa, pronounced Gah-Kah (soft on the A’s people, soft on the A’s), or the ever more clever of titles: the Lesbian, as if it were her royal birth rite; is in fact, you guessed iT—a lesbian! And not to generalize everything, but Erica makes lesbianism seem so hard, uptight, difficult…demanding. And I wonder if its due to having to eat all that carpet (arguably the problem with most straight men in America too)—all of that plush, crush, shag green pudenda. Talk about stuff that’ll make ya’ sicK!—(wheatgrasS, Alicia Keys, Million Dollar Baby and shag green pudenda? YuCK!). You’re telling me every time we get together, upon your request, I have to eat your carpet?—do you not see the irony here!?! Please, where’s the fun in that? And then you’re telling me if I don’t eat your carpet I have to risk damaging my pudenda by way of slapping “our carpets together” (like dolphins) until you have me buy a huge vibrating PiNk penis to penetrate you with, when instead we can easily wade in the bushes, spread eagle, until a real man falls in and porks us both pregnant. I don’t understand lesbianism. Silliest thing next to BET. There’s just no substitute for a healthy, sturdy, helping hunk of man meat—attached to a man!! It just ain’t proper without the man included.

Well, however the cookie crumbles, I just don’t get iT…but maybe it’s not for me to get. **ken sighs*** I love my Lesbian.